Assets Archives - Lucinda Holliday

Divorce Over 60 Financial Emotional Practical Guidance for the Next Chapter

Devon Website Manager — Thu, 05 Feb 2026 15:39:14 +0000

Divorcing Later in Life: Why Grey Divorce Can Be a Turning Point, Not an Ending

Why More Couples Are Divorcing Later in Life

The number of people over 60 who are divorcing (sometimes known as the silver splitters) has increased significantly over the last 10 years. This is more to do with the baby boomers of the 1960s reaching this age rather than any increase in the percentage of people running into relationship difficulties and deciding to separate. in this article I will be covering the following guidance when considering divorcing in later life: The Emotional Impact, Family and Relationship Dynamics, Financial planning, Lifestyle Choices, Legal and Practical Considerations, and Navigating the Transition.

The Unique Challenges of Divorce After a Long Marriage

The emotional impact of a divorce or separation is likely to be significant even if the decision to separate was yours. In long marriages there tends to be an interdependence that has become the norm. On shorter marriages, a separation at this age can still present additional challenges. With a wealth of life experience behind them, many people of this age have acquired a level of resilience, wisdom, and a strong sense of what matters to them which can make a divorce an opportunity. Others have led a life of inter-dependence with their spouse. For them the prospect of separation can pose additional challenges. With the right support and planning, a relationship breakdown can become a turning point toward greater fulfilment and stability.

The Emotional Impact of Divorcing in Later Life

Managing the emotional impact of the separation on you and on others is important and will improve the outcome for all involved. Dealing with the behaviour of others and understanding and managing conflict are skills that you might have acquired over the years and on which you will need to put in place.

Managing Change and Emotional Wellbeing After Divorce

Your Emotional Wellbeing. Even amicable separations involve significant change which can be challenging. Acknowledge that this is a period of huge transition and that you might need a plan to manage this change effectively and with self-assurance. It is likely that you and your spouse are coming to terms with the separation at a different pace and it is helpful to give the other the space to adjust to the change.

Building a Support Network During Grey Divorce

Build your Support Network. Trusted friends, family members, counsellors and other professionals can provide perspective and encouragement. In a long marriage it is likely that friends and family will feel conflicted. It might be that you feel let down and disappointed by others, but this is not unusual and should not knock your confidence. Others need time to adjust to the change and might initially feel threatened by the breakdown in your relationship.

Giving Yourself Space to Adjust After Separation

Give yourself (and your spouse) space to adjust. This is the start of a new chapter, but it is reasonable to take some time to find your footing and, if necessary, to allow your spouse to do the same. Do not let others put pressure on you to move at a pace that feels uncomfortable or that means that the decisions you make are ill-informed. If required, allow your spouse that time and space as well. If one person feels pressurised or rushed, any progress you make is likely to unravel, and this will only set you back.

Family and Relationship Dynamics in Divorce Later in Life

If you are divorcing in your 60s, it is likely that this is the end of a long marriage and that you and your spouse will have a network of friends and family in common.

Divorce Over 60 and Adult Children

Acknowledge the ripple effect. Adult children, grandchildren, elderly parents and siblings may react badly or feel threatened by the decisions being made and may need reassurance as family dynamics and routines evolve. Friends and family may feel uncomfortable or threatened, particularly if third parties are involved. They may not be of the view that the decisions that you take are the right ones but that is no reason to cause the breakdown in your relationship with them.

Communicating Separation to Family and Friends

Communicate openly. Clear and well managed conversations help maintain strong relationships through the transition. Family members do not need to know the intimate details of the relationship breakdown, and it is sensible, if possible, to agree how the separation is communicated to others as early as practicable.

Financial Planning After Divorce Over 60

A separation or divorce for the Silver Splitters poses additional problems. One or both of you might have retired or might be planning to retire soon. The financial pot has usually been built up over the years on the assumption that you will continue to live together. Separating in your 60s means you have little time to rebuild your pensions or capital reserves.

Financial Disclosure and Transparency

Full disclosure. When divorcing, both parties have a duty to provide full, frank and clear financial disclosure so that there is complete transparency. You need this comprehensive financial disclosure before you can start to consider how the finances should be divided and what your financial future might look like.

Division of Assets in Long Marriages

Matrimonial assets. In a long marriage, from a legal point of view, it is highly likely that most of the assets will be treated as ‘matrimonial’ because the majority would have been acquired during the marriage. The starting point in a long marriage is that these matrimonial assets will be divided equally, regardless of whether the assets are in your or your spouse’s name.

Understand the finances. Understanding pensions, savings, property, and investments enables you to make informed decisions when considering the division of the assets. There are several ways in which you can obtain the financial disclosure. A sensible starting point is to discuss this with the other and see whether they are willing to provide disclosure. If they are not, it might be sensible to speak to a professional to see how to address this.

Pensions and Divorce Later in Life

The value of a Pension. Pensions are often one of the most valuable assets in later life divorces. Although the home might be worth a significant sum, the true value of the pensions is also likely to be significant. Understand the types of pensions have been built up during the marriage and what that means when considering how to divide them and the other assets.

Understanding Pensions. Pensions are complex and you need to understand what they are worth. The purpose of a pension is to provide an income when you retire so get professional advice to help you work out what income can be derived from the pension and don’t just look at the ‘cash value’. Consider getting a Pension Sharing Report so that an expert can help you decide how the pensions should be shared fairly.

Planning Financial Security for the Next 20–30 Years

Planning ahead. Do not just plan for today, but for the lifestyle and security you want over the next 20–30 years. Consider medical cover and long-term care. Financial advisers can help you model your future cash flow, so you have a real understanding of how much capital you need to meet your expenditure / income needs. With the help of cash flow modelling and financial advice, your financial future might be less frightening than you expect.

Keeping or Selling the Family Home After Divorce

Keeping the family home. The family home and second homes often have huge emotional value, but it’s important to consider the long term affordability of maintaining the home and the practicality of funding the property. Weigh this up against assets that can generate an income. It is usually possible to ‘off set’ your share in the home for additional pension (or visa versa) but it might not be sensible to have a home you cannot afford to run and an income but no-where to live.

Lifestyle Choices After Divorce in Your 60s

A period of transition inevitably means that you will need to make choices, and it is essential that the choices you make are informed.

Housing Options After Divorce Later in Life

Downsizing. Consider whether you can afford to remain in the home or whether downsizing to a smaller home is more financially sensible.

Housing options. Consider whether buying or renting suits you best, particularly in the early months post separation when your life might be in a state of flux. Some people use this life change as an opportunity to consider whether to start afresh and relocate to be closer to adult children or siblings or whether they want to stay put to minimise disruption.

Planning for Changing Needs as You Age

Changing needs. Consider what you need in terms of housing and income now but plan for future needs as well. Consider what you might need now and in 20 years’ time when accessibility, community, and proximity to services will start to become increasingly important.

Legal and Practical Considerations for Divorce Over 60

There are practical and legal aspects to the separation / divorce that you need to be aware of to make informed decisions. Making decisions without an understanding of your legal position and practical considerations can lead to unnecessary difficulties down the line.

Interim Financial and Living Arrangements

Interim arrangements. Discuss interim arrangements as soon as you can to help manage this transition. If one of you is financially dependent on the other, you need to consider how you will meet your needs in the interim and before a financial agreement is reached. You also need to consider housing needs in the interim and long term. In many cases it is not financially viable for one person to move out so practical arrangements need to be put in place to help you live together at this difficult time.

Understanding the Legal Process for Grey Divorce

Understand the legal landscape. A divorce consultant will give you a comprehensive understanding of the legal process, including when and why you need to instruct a solicitor. When instructing a solicitor, it is important to choose carefully, and a divorce consultant can assist in identifying suitable options. The involvement of an overzealous solicitor can lead to unnecessary legal fees, increased emotional costs and could add a significant delay to resolving matters.

Staying Organised During Divorce Proceedings

Stay organised. Speak to a divorce consultant to ensure that you collate and keep paperwork that might be needed and understand the timelines. This will allow you to keep the process moving smoothly, will avoid delays and reduce stress and frustration. Wills, powers of attorney, and beneficiary details for life policies and pensions also often need revisiting after a divorce.

Navigating the Transition: Life After Divorce Over 60

A separation or divorce is all about change. With change comes challenges and opportunities. Working with a change consultant who has worked in this field for many years will allow you to navigate this change with understanding and competence.

Identity, Change and Divorce Later in Life

Life Change. As we approach the late 50s and 60s, circumstances often change. Children grow up, leave home and have children, elderly parents become increasingly dependent and die, people retire and leave lifelong careers. All these might make one consider what the next chapter might be.

Change in Identity. These changes in circumstance often lead to a change in identity that can be challenging to a relationship. Many people find that they have grown apart during the marriage and that neither are as happy in the relationship as they had once been. Some feel the loss of the marriage is synonymous with the loss of identity which can initially feel catastrophic.

Opportunity, Growth and the Next Chapter

Opportunity. A divorce can provide the opportunity for new friendships, relationships, interests, or travel. This opportunity can be a chance to start a new chapter that reflects who you are now and what you want next. As John F Kennedy said, ‘Change is the law of life and those who look only to the past and present are certain to miss the future’. It may take time to get there, but the important thing is to manage the transition well managed in an informed way.

Please contact Lucinda Holliday for more information or if you think you might benefit from speaking to a Separation and Divorce Consultant when considering your options.

The post Divorce Over 60 Financial Emotional Practical Guidance for the Next Chapter appeared first on Lucinda Holliday.

Reducing Costs of Divorce or Separation

Devon Website Manager — Thu, 18 Sep 2025 16:06:50 +0000

People often ask me why divorce can be so expensive and what they can do to reduce those costs.

The answer is not as straightforward as one might think. Divorces can be costly for a number of reasons, both financially and emotionally. In this article I look at the financial aspects of divorce and what you can do to try to keep those costs down.

The costs of a divorce

Legal Fees
There are various ways of trying to resolve matters between you and your spouse. It is not uncommon for couples to involve solicitors in the process, especially if they cannot reach an amicable agreement between them.
Solicitors typically charge by the unit. They divide their hourly rate into six-minute units. This means costs can escalate quickly, with one brief email being charged at a unit and lengthy emails being charged at two or more units. Typically, solicitors’ hourly rates vary from £150 to £500+ per hour plus VAT. An hour's meeting followed by a detailed letter summarising the discussions can cost the best part of £1,000.
Solicitor’s expertise can be invaluable, and they are worth their costs when providing legal advice. However, clients do not always use them effectively and can run up costs seeking advice that is not legal or relevant.
Long, drawn-out disputes can drive up these costs. Those that involve a financial settlement, contact arrangements with the children, interim issues like covering the costs of the mortgage payments, or the conduct of the parties can be particularly expensive.
Legal fees can mount up if you involve your solicitor in aspects of your separation that are not ‘legal’. Go to others to get assistance on practical or emotional issues and if you solicitor suggests that some points are not worth addressing, take their advice. Solicitors want to remain focused on the key legal issues.
Court Costs
If your solicitors are unable to resolve matters or one party is unwilling to engage, it might be necessary to issue an application to court to resolve the finances or the arrangements for the children.
A court application might also be necessary if one party is harassing, threatening or abusing the other and they need the protection of some sort of restraining order.
Applications inevitably increase your legal fees. There are also other fees that need to be considered such as court fees, barrister’s costs for court appearances, obtaining expert evidence, and document processing. These costs can quickly add up.
In financial cases, it is not unusual for there to be at least three court hearings with barrister’s costs ranging from £1,500 to £10,000 plus VAT depending on the type of hearing or the seniority of the barrister instructed.

You should be aware that an increasingly common issue is a lack of ‘judicial availability’ and court hearings having to be cancelled at the 11th hour because no judge is available. Often barrister's fees will have been incurred and will be wasted because the case will not be relisted in the court timetable for three to six months.
Asset Division
One of the most important considerations in the divorce is how assets should be divided. Splitting up property, savings and investments, pensions, businesses, or debt can be complex and may involve valuations, financial analysts, or forensic accountants.
A report to consider how a pension should be divided to produce an equal income on retirement usually costs between £1,500+ VAT to £3,000 plus VAT depending on the complexity of the pensions themselves and how many different options you or your solicitors want to consider. Business valuations are usually significantly more. You must consider carefully the merits of these reports and whether the costs are proportionate.
Disputes over the children
If you have children, disagreements about their arrangements can require child psychologists, social services, drug and alcohol testing, and lengthy court hearings.
Again, it is not unusual to have three or more court hearings where barristers might be required to ensure the best outcome available.
Emotional Conflict
High conflict divorces often lead to more work for your legal team. Lengthy letters from one solicitor to another regarding behaviour / conduct often demand an equally robust response, all of which takes time and money. Unfortunately, this is often all irrelevant to the ultimate financial settlement and the arrangements for the children.
High conflict individuals often fight about the ‘principle’ and are not easily swayed by their solicitor, who might point out the lack of merit in pursuing a specific point.
In addition, the emotional cost of engaging in this way tends to make it significantly more difficult to reach an agreement because of the emotional conflict and the desire for one-upmanship.
Lack of Preparation
When one or both parties are not organized, costs can increase further.
When dealing with the finances, you will be required to provide a full financial disclosure and probably will have to complete a financial statement (Form E). Poor preparation of the Form E, missing financial documents, or a lack of clarity about assets can all cause delays and increase your legal costs.
Clients who find it hard to stay on task or organise themselves and stay focused are also likely to incur more costs. Many people find the process overwhelming, but this is particularly true of clients who have ADHD. Make sure your solicitor understands if the task might be difficult so that they can support you or get support from elsewhere.

How to Reduce Divorce Costs

Use of alternative (non-court) dispute resolution methods
- Mediation involves a neutral third party helping you reach an agreement without court. The costs of the mediator are shared between you, which reduces your legal costs. If effective, a proposal can be reached in a matter of four to six mediation sessions.
- Collaborative approach involves solicitors working together cooperatively or with one solicitor acting for both parties.
  These methods are often far cheaper than litigation, but are usually only successful if parties approach matters amicably and there is no significant power imbalance or abuse.
Be Organized
- Prepare for meetings with your solicitor in advance. Remain focused throughout and avoid discussing issues that are emotional rather than legal.
- Gather, prepare and collate financial documents (tax returns, pay slips, property records) before submitting them to your solicitor.
- Prepare a summary of all expenditure that might be questioned and avoid being vague in your disclosure. Lack of clarity will raise concerns about your transparency and inevitably result in a request for further information, which will add to costs.
- Know what you want and what you’re willing to compromise on. What are you hoping to achieve and is it realistic? Have a clear plan of what issues you are prepared to compromise on and what your red lines might be. Reality-check them in advance to make sure that they are reasonable and realistic.
- Make sure your solicitor provides you with a cost estimate and update this regularly. They should work effectively with other members of their legal team. A senior solicitor should be delegating the more straightforward work to less experienced junior solicitors, trainees or paralegals. Check your bills carefully and make sure that they are working within their original cost estimate.
Use your solicitor strategically
- You can use a solicitor for limited purposes (e.g., reviewing a settlement agreement) rather than using them for everything that needs to be done.
- Turn to others where possible to keep your legal fees under control. Counsellors and psychotherapists are better qualified to deal with emotional issues and have a much lower hourly rate.
- Divorce and separation consultants who understand what is required can help you prepare in advance of meetings with your solicitor, again at a lower hourly rate. They can help you prepare your financial disclosure (Form E) and consider your spouse’s disclosure so that your solicitor spends less time on your matter.
- Although people are concerned about the additional expense of other professionals, your legal costs are likely to reduce dramatically if you do not overwhelm your solicitor with issues that you or others can deal with more effectively. It is also likely to improve your working relationship with your solicitor.
Communicate Directly with your Ex if possible
- If you can, communicate directly with your ex-spouse / the parent of your children on some matters, for example, arranging a pickup or drop-off time should not need a solicitor.
- Choose a communication channel that works for you and stick to that communication channel. Bombarding each other with texts, emails, telephone calls and WhatsApp messages is unlikely to facilitate good communication. Parenting Apps are a great way of communicating.
- Always avoid involving the children in the communication between you and your ex. It puts unnecessary pressure on the child and inappropriately involves them in adult issues, which will be harmful
Avoid Court if Possible
Settling out of court is typically much less expensive and should resolve matters much faster than court proceedings. Consider arbitration or employing a private ‘Judge’ to resolve specific issues so that you avoid the long delays in court and the possible wasted barrister costs referred to above.
Use Online Divorce Services
The most effective way to reduce costs is to avoid lengthy court battles. Structured, non-court processes like family mediation are specifically designed to be quicker and significantly more cost-effective than litigation. For simple, uncontested divorces, the Government online services can also guide you through the initial paperwork, but remember that the financial settlement needs to be handled separately.

Words of caution

Although negotiating between yourselves has its advantages, there are many occasions when it is not appropriate. If there is a significant imbalance in your understanding of the finances, your financial positions, or a party is controlling or abusive, it is usually sensible to get professional help.
Try to understand what your legal rights are and be cautious of friends or family suggesting that you could get a ‘better’ financial settlement. Each case turns on its own specific circumstances. A friend might have got 65% of the money in their home, but if the home had equity of only £350,000 and that person was unable to get a mortgage, that might have been a reasonable settlement. Your settlement might be very different if you could get a mortgage and / or your home is worth significantly more than theirs.
Always insist on having proper financial disclosure, particularly if you have not always been involved in the finances. If there are complex assets, pensions, or businesses, beware of settling without having the assets valued by an expert.
Do not be bullied into a settlement. Be concerned if your spouse suggests that they are making the ‘best offer’ and that if you go to a solicitor, they will withdraw that offer.
Do not use children as a bargaining tool and/or for leverage. This could result in the other parent making an application to court which will increase your costs significantly. It could also harm the children or damage your long-term relationship with them if they become aware of this.

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